Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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