Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
