Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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