Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
