he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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