it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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