I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
