New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
