i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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