youre lurking in front of me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
