You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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