Just fell off a train. Bad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this boner is exhausting
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
