the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
