a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
