Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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