I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
