I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I puked a lego.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
