I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize