Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
