that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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