Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't make out with my wife yet
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize