You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
