Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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