I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
