i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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