He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
