so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
