i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
