i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
