By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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