just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
