It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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