I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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