Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
