We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
