Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
