They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
