Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
