My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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