An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize