your room smells of hookers.
And success
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
