I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
