just tell him i said nine months
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
