just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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