We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
