i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
