I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
