He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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