I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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