I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
