you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
