If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
