I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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