It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize