Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
