that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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