Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize