I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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