Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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