Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
