look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
