I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
