shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
