ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
