I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize