They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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