i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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