FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
