i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
