I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize